John was somewhat depressed when he came in for his weekly therapy session.  He admitted he had fallen into viewing pornography after three months of sobriety.  We reviewed the chain of events that led up to the fall.  It turned out that the main trigger for his pornography use was an argument he had with his adult son five days earlier.  John’s son had just failed out of his third college and had moved back home.  The anger and frustration John had toward his son led him to self-medicate with pornography. 

Tony was also upset about a recent fall.  Tony is a priest, and while he loves his ministry, Sunday afternoons are very lonely times for him.  Growing up in a large Italian family, Sunday afternoons were always a joyous time for him.  The whole family would get together to visit and share a big Sunday dinner.  However, Tony is now the pastor of a small parish in a remote rural area.  He is not near any friends or relatives.  This makes the loneliness even more noticeable.  To deal with the loneliness, Tony self-medicated with pornography.  For Tony, Sunday afternoons are a “danger zone” for him.

When it comes to overcoming pornography addiction, one must understand triggers and danger zones.  A trigger is anything that can easily lead a man to fall into using pornography.  Triggers can be sexual or nonsexual.  A sexual trigger can be watching girls in bikinis at the beach or walking past a lingerie store in the mall.  A non-sexual trigger can be an argument with a loved one, loneliness, or even just a stressful day at work.  Even the sound of a computer turning on can be a trigger.

Danger Zones are a bit broader than triggers.  A danger zone is an environment where a man is most at risk for being triggered.  It can be a place, such as the beach, the mall, or a part of town where there are strip clubs or porn shops.  It can also be a specific time, such as Sunday afternoons, Friday nights, or just after a fight with a loved one. 

To achieve and maintain sobriety a man needs to effectively deal with his triggers and danger zones.  Because they are different for everyone, counseling is often needed to identify them.  Once they are identified, strategies can be developed to deal with them or completely avoid them.  The key is being proactive about it.  To avoid falling into viewing pornography, some triggers and danger zones can simply be avoided, such as going to the beach, the mall, or a seedy part of town.  Other triggers and danger zones, such as ones caused by relationship issues, can be avoided by working through them with a therapist.  There may be times when triggers and danger zones cannot be avoided.  For these times, strategies can be developed to effectively deal with them.  This can include calling an accountability partner or 12-step group members to help get through the rough time.
For John, avoiding his trigger meant resolving his anger with his son.  He needed to learn to forgive his son and set clear boundaries with him.  John had to realize that his son is now an adult.  He had done his best to raise his son right and he now had to let go of him.  John needed to let his son be responsible for his own life.  He would always love his son and be there to provide guidance when needed; however, John would no longer feel responsible for his son.  It took a while for John to learn to let go of his son.  However, when he did, he was no longer triggered by anger in that relationship to view pornography.  His relationship with his son actually improved.  This led John to want to work on other relationships that were causing him to get angry and self-medicate with porn. 

In order to avoid his danger zone, Tony first had to accept his loneliness and learn to give it to the Lord.  He needed to feel God’s presence with him during the times when he felt most lonely.  To do this, he worked closely with a spiritual director.  Tony also learned to turn to the Holy Family for support, viewing the Blessed Mother as his mother, St. Joseph as his father, and Jesus as his best friend and brother.  Through counseling, Tony developed the courage to reach out to his parishioners for support.  He enjoyed cooking and started inviting families to his rectory on Sunday afternoons for a big Italian Sunday dinner.  Soon families began inviting Tony to their homes for dinner in return.  This not only eased his Sunday afternoon loneliness, it helped him develop close friendships with his parishioners. 

Identifying and addressing triggers and danger zones is an important part of recovery for anyone struggling with pornography addiction.  Examining them can help a man identify the root causes of his pornography use.  This is where counseling and support are needed.  When these root causes are resolved, long-term sobriety and healthy recovery are easier to maintain.